A Mixed Conversation

I recently Hill Harper's The Conversation and personally, I found the book to be a mixed experience. The book is an attempt to enhance "the conversation" about relationships between black men and women. Harper tries to accomplish this by opening up a dialog between black men and black women and giving them a platform to better understand each other. He addresses what men and women are looking for in each other, he addresses stereotypes that black people have about each other, and he talks about what true love really is. In addition to his own views, he presents the views of some of his friends and colleagues, and various others whom he has interacted with and/or interviewed. The book is well written and seems well thought out.

This is where my mixed feelings about the book come in. There are portions of the book where Harper speaks fondly the black family and where it has gone. In another place Harper has his friends detail what men and women want from the opposite sex. Elsewhere Harper discusses the difference between true love and lust. At one point, Harper speaks about recognizing the potential in an individual and cultivating that potential into the mate you desire. I can respect these parts of the book and relate to them some what. Then there are other parts where Harper addresses and attempts to dispel various stereotypes that black men and women have about each other. I found that couldn't relate stereotypes presented there. The book is cluttered with these sections that cloud the more relevant information sprinkled throughout the book. Now, to someone who holds these stereotypical views, I am sure those parts of the book are spot on, but for me, they were a distraction.

From a more objective stand point, I think The Conversation does a good job of addressing issues in our community that we may not talk about enough. I was somewhat shocked to discover that people some of the stereotypes discussed in the book. I figured we were smarter than that. I guess I have been giving people too much credit. As a community, and even as a larger society, we need to rid ourselves of these harmful stereotypes. We need to rise above them and view people as the individuals that they all are.

I liked the level of honest Harper had about himself in the book. He wasn't afraid to talk about his own flaws and shortcoming or to discuss past wrongs he has committed. This helped make the parts of the book where Harper is critical of other more palatable. He isn't just being critical because he can, he is keeping it real. He is saying things that people need to hear. I respect that.

Overall, I think this was a good book, but it isn't for everyone. If you find yourself making excuses a lot and blaming other for your problems, this book might be for you. If you find yourself accusing entire groups of people for your problems (e.g. "See, that's what's wrong with black men.." or "Black women have too much attitude...") then this book is for you. If you consider yourself above the law, and excuse your own actions while criticizing others when they do the exact same thing, this book might be for you. If you have been in unsuccessful relationship after unsuccessful relationship, and you just can't figure out why, this book may help. BUT if none of these things describe you, you may find the information in this book useful, but it probably won't be very earth shattering. If you are able to be honest with yourself, and think objectively, then this might not be the book to change your life.
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Matt